Of Love, Laughter and 28 years of life

Empath, cricket enthusiast, cynophile and bibliophile, Upamanyu Mallik was called Apu, Goiu, Upma, Opsi, Oops, Poppo and a myriad other affectionate names. He was lovingly welcomed to this planet on September 25, 1993 and he left on July 27, 2022 after a brief illness bravely borne. In the last few days of his life on earth his parents were with him 24/7 in hospital and he spent time watching science fiction movies with his father and giving his parents a class on language groups and etymology. Ever the avid reader and refreshing humorist who would keep family and friends in splits with his witty takes on life, Upamanyu was propped up and reading a book on cricket and laughing with his mother over some astute observations he made about hospital settings, just a few hours before he went into multi organ failure. The last memory he co created with his mother before his body began to shut down was the sight of him munching apple pieces as he joked about how the same apple tasted better at home as compared to the hospital! The bedside was filled with his tell tale giggle as he recounted his humorous observations on life in hospital, blissfully unconcerned about the medical paraphernalia surrounding him. Like a meteor he left behind a trail of light and energy in the hearts of all those lives he touched.

“Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live.” Rumi

Upamanyu the Cricket Romantic

Nearly everyone who knew Upamanyu will speak of his phenomenal love for cricket. They recall with a smile how he would pull out random statistics, debate the finer points of the game, stay up nights watching matches and play when he got a chance. Life ground to a halt when India played. His heart “bled blue” but he would never fail to cheer and appreciate classic batting, fiery bowling and sharp fielding from any team in any part of the world. He loved the sport from the bottom of his heart and even ensured that his beloved dogs got up at unearthly hours if an exciting match was being played. He was active on the online community of cricket lovers across the world and the most moving tributes to him came across the cyber waves from people who he had never even met in person but who formed the closest of bonds with him discussing cricket and sharing insights on life.

Upamanyu the dog lover

We are not quite sure whether Upamanyu had some of the skills of Mr Dolittle but this much we know – he had a special communication going with dogs. Several cats were also drawn to him but Upamanyu and dogs were a different kettle of fish altogether. In India he volunteered with Friendicoes and brought home a sick puppy with almost no chances of surviving. He fostered the puppy and went on to sign up for adoption. Though he got his whole family invested in this project and we did everything we could to care for this puppy, our little Posto passed away. In many ways this was so typical of Upamanyu – looking out for sentient beings with limited life chances. In the US he fostered a Greyhound GSD mix and then went ahead and adopted her as she was not on the adoption priority list and would probably have been euthanized. The question of re homing her when he returned to India – something that many American friends suggested – was met with shock and disbelief. So Ella boarded a Lufthansa flight and after her import license was cleared she landed on Indian soil. A naturalized canine citizen of India now, she continues to thrive in a multi dog household which also includes Upamanyu’s rescued Indies, Phulki and Jamun. The trio of Phulki, Ella and Jamun are the gifts he left behind with his parents and by nurturing them we honor his compassion.

Upamanyu the Loving Son

Upamanyu (Goiu to his father) shared a love for food, science fiction films and watching wild animals in their habitat with his father. Father and son would often take off for old Delhi at ungodly hours and come home with all the phirni that Kareems had stocked up in their shop! They loved going for late night films in the theatre and Thums Up, pizzas, french fries and magic masala chips were their favorites! As Upamanyu grew up he became the reading and travel partner of his mother. He would read and discuss books with his mother from Das Kapital to Harry Potter and they travelled across the country together – Shimla, Kasauli, Jaipur, Goa, Madikeri, Coonoor, Ooty, Kabini, Kashmir, Bangalore, Mangalore, Pune, Mumbai. We will forever miss his physical presence, the sound of his steps on the stairs, the shout outs about the dogs, his infectious sense of humor, his fierce arguments, and most of all his loving kindness. He was a soul on a journey who stopped by on this earth for a while and we feel deeply privileged that while he was on this short sojourn we had the opportunity to be his parents. As Khalil Gibran reminds us :

• Your children are not your children
• They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself
• They come through you but not from you,
• And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

Upamanyu the Friend

Upamanyu’s friends meant the world to him. All of them remember his childlike innocence. As one of his friends shared “for me Apu was always 5 max 6 years old.” This innocence was however coupled with much depth of understanding and he counseled his friends with great wisdom well beyond his years. Friends often smile when they recall his sparkling sense of humor. On a good day he could keep his friends and family in splits with his stories and imitation of accents across the world (picked up from cricket commentaries of course). At Upamanyu’s memorial friends from across the world spoke movingly about his empathy, generosity of spirit, compassion and kindness to humans and animals.
Empathetic to a fault, in kindergarden school in Hyderabad his teachers would explain to him why they were even gently reprimanding another child in advance so that he would not burst into tears at their perceived sense of hurt. This extreme sensitivity to other’s feelings never left him and many of his college friends remembered how conscious he was not to hurt the sentiment of their parents and relatives when he visited their homes. In school in Delhi there have been occasions when a troubled child felt much better just after sitting next to him in class.

His love for animals was legendary. A friend recalled how Upamanyu was annoyed with him because he was not ready to go to another city to check on a dog! Many others attributed their adoption of cats and dogs to Upamanyu’s influence. A friend found that soon after Upamanyu left this planet the authentication page for his visa application for a forthcoming travel mysteriously appeared as a series of smiling dogs. Another friend discovered a golden dog that came to nuzzle him on a train in Pune just as he was live streaming Upamanyu’s memorial. Upamanyu appeared to be providing comfort and counsel to his grieving friends even as he was breaking through all earthly shackles and flying free.

He was passionate about statistics and data analysis and loved to apply this to the world of cricket. His friend in Phoenix shared “one thing I learned from him, never settle for less, go after what you want, no matter what people say.” His college friends in NIT Surathkal often wondered how he had so much information stored in his head when it came to quiz time! Friends from college and USA where Upamanyu studied and worked for a while remembered how he had this wonderful ability to bring people together, “put out goodwill” and bring out the best in his friends. One of his closest friends in college recalled Upamanyu’s love for the simple things in life and how he would call out shahi cheez (a wonderful thing) for the smallest of things. Upamanyu’s emails came with a tagline attributed to Maya Angelou. “Life is measured not by the breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away”. In his short span of 28 years he created many such magical breathtaking moments with his friends and loved ones in Kolkata where he was born as well as in Hyderabad, Delhi, Surathkal, Pune, Bangalore, and Phoenix where he lived at different points in his life.